By CHRIS ZUMA
Johannesburg, South Africa. A man from Kiambu Kenya is Nursing life threatening buttock injuries at a south African hospital after they were eaten by the lions he rattled in the name of Jesus, trusting God could pull a ‘Daniel’ on him, close the mouths of the lions, and save his life.
The buttocks of Joseph Ndungu Nyambura, a fake prophet from Kiambu county were mercilessly massacred and seriously mauled by 2 well fed female South African lions when the man tried to play porker with some British tourists.
Mr. Nyambura took his get-rich-quick tendencies to South Africa where he had attended a European-sponsored Christian fellowship in Durban.
The sponsors decided to treat the attendees, including Mr. Nyambura by taking them to the Kruger National Park where lions roam freely.
According to helpless bystanders, the man was misled that the cats were human friendly and therefore wanted to extort money from some British tourists by showing them God’s power over animals.
The man told them that the God he serves is the lord of Daniel and that he could rattle the lions and God make them meek and harmless.
South Africa’s Daily Mail has reported that the man betted with the Briton pagans and agreed that should God sent the angels to protect him, they would give him R5000 each.
On imagining that he could be R50Krand richer given that the tourists were 10 in number, Mr. Nyambura started speaking in a strange language which is believed to be the ‘Biblical tongues’
He idiotically started sprinting towards the two female lions feeding on an impala and foolishly started to caress the big cats, unaware of the impending danger ahead of him.
No sooner had he caressed the first one, than the lions tactically and technically viewed him as the yummiest prey they had lacked in months.
Without frittering time, the animals calculatingly zeroed in on the Kiambu bloke. The queens of the jungle purposefully cornered the potential millionaire and had him all to themselves.
On seeing the going was getting tougher, and that there was no sign of angel Gabriel, the poor man screamed and tried to flee but the animals were too fast and pulled a ‘Rudisha on him and could not allow him to get away with such impunity.
One of the lions grabbed him by the buttocks – soft spot – and started chewing them. Luckily, a game ranger was passing and had to fire in the air to scare the lions.
Mr. Nyambura was rushed to the hospital where he underwent a constructive surgery. The hero was stitched up and sentenced to three days in hospital bed. He is likely to be discharged and be charged for disturbing the peace of peaceful wild animals.
If found culpable, the man is likely to bag a 2 year jail term away from home as the British journeyers enjoy their tour around the globe.