Controversial columnist Njoki Chege on Monday penned an article that left bloggers shocked. Njoki underrated bloggers and hurled all sorts of shit on them terming them “political prostitutes and dogs for hire”
Politica has sunk deep in ‘plea of tender’ to demystify the secret behind the not-so-beautiful columnist’s hatred for political bloggers.
During our deep and incisive investigations, we came across this famous handsome political blogger – name withheld for security and ethical reasons but for now we choose to call him Philip Matogoro – who narrated to us why he dumped Njoki Chege for another girl.
The blogger told us that he dated Njoki for some time, only to realize that the girl was so unromantic, cold and absolutely inactive during the act.
“The only thing that Njoki cared for is my money. She knows little or nothing about love and in fact, she is sexually un-entertaining.
“I dumped Njoki after discovering some facts about her. I never knew she had sugar-cane like legs which she hid in her trousers. She never told me that she was generous to anybody with cash”
“Njoki is the kind of those women who tell men “ukimaliza niambie nijipanguze” When we had sex, she used to lie like a dead body, bankrupt of feelings. Being the well built half Kisii half Kamba man I am with full of sexual experience, She never screamed no matter how hard I screwed her, or even show any sign of concern”
Initially, she used to tell me that she was born and bred in Westlands but I discovered that she was just born and brought up in the village then moved to Nairobi’s Eastlands” Said Mr. Matogoro.
I also sought some deep explanation from My friend Bobby who happens to know Njoki well and he edifies me that Njoki’s breakthrough in life came when she met a sponsor in a village circles where she had sought refuge after all the Nairobi men who pretend to have money had chewed her and were no longer interested with her. The sponsor later on ferried her like Miraa luggage to Nairobi suburb .
She now says that Eastland is the epicenter of poverty in this city. She now says that people there are illiterate especially on the queen’s language. She also forgets that her sponsor that is housing her in his servant quarter (SQ) in Lang’ata estate was born and bred in Eastlands too.
“It’s true that here in Eastland we are not fluent in Queen’s language as compared to the Prostitute with stick legs, huge forehead and a big mouth, who has been awarded small space in one of the government state-controlled dailies to spit venom against his sponsor’s critics. But somehow we still manage to pass the message through broken English and our locally invented language, sheng” Narrated Bobby.
“Here in Eastland we hustle our ass off to feed our families, because our wives are not barren. Unlike the suburb Prostitute, our women are not offered blue Subarus for abortion. I guess that’s why our women’s wombs are promisingly intact unlike her who according to gossipers, has no womb to house a child following a chain of abortions” Added Bobby.
“We are struggling here in Eastlando to ensure our sons become successful like the above sponsor so that they too will be able to continue with the culture of sponsoring more prostitutes from the village brothels” Regretted Bobby.