By M X M
President Uhuru Kenyatta will be the 5th African President to have a a phone conversation with president Trump (after Abdel Fattah el-Sissi, Beji Caid Essebsi, Jacob Zuma, and Muhhamadu Buhari).
And here is how the conversation went:
Uhuru: Congratulations mr. president on being elected the 45th president of USA
Trump: Hello Mr. Kenyarra. This was the biggest margin of victory since Ronald Reagan. Millions and millions of people who I call the silent majority went to the polls and voted for Trump.
Uhuru: In Kenya we can sum the will of the people as “Trump Tosha” or only Trump!
Trump: You are right. Only Trump can resolve the world’s problems. I am bringing back jobs to America. Exxon Mobil just announced they are investing billions and billions of dollars in our economy.
Uhuru: You plagiarized that idea from me, just like Melania plagiarized Michelle’s speech. I was the first to say Kenya will face neither East nor West. They wanted to jail me at the Hague, but Kenyans voted for me as their president.
Trump: I read you won big league. Congratulations mr. president. I like you. I think you are smart!
Uhuru: I attended Amherst University in America
Trump: I was the best student in my class. Probably the best student they ever had. Now look at me. I am making America great again. By the way Mr. president, how do you deal with the fake media?
Uhuru: I simply amptutate their livelihood; meaning I deny them advertising contracts. When their wells runs dry they goose step to me and praise me a lot.
Trump: The fake media will not even report this great conversation that strengthens the relationship between Kenya and America.
Uhuru: How are the Russians treating you? You know I have an upcoming election and I fear they may hack our system(s)
Trump: Putin is a great guy.
Uhuru: Can you ask them not to interfere with our election?
Trump: I don’t know Putin. He only says Trump is a great guy! You also think Trump is a great guy. I know it.
Uhuru: What about the wall. Are you building a wall similar to the one Kenya is building on its border with Somalia.
Trump: We have to keep the bad ones ought. How do you pay for your wall?
Uhuru: We take their charcoal.
Trump: I have only been president for a month and the economy is getting better and better. Can you imagine in 4 years?
Trump: I will be the first American president to visit Kenya in his first year in office. My only African trip in my entire life has been to Egypt.
Uhuru: We thank America for granting Kenya a Category One status.
Trump: You have always been Category One! Kenya deserves to be number one always. Let no one cheat you. Like the way you are number one in marathons. Or maybe the Kenyan athletes use drugs. When i look at some of them they are too skinny and I always ask myself (snorts) “how can such a skinny guy run faster than Trump!’ I don’t know.
Uhuru: My wife Margaret passed her greetings to Melania.
Trump: I read that she runs in the marathon. But I know she can’t defeat Melania. She does triathlons.
Uhuru: “Thie ukiumaga” (Go drying)
Trump: Hangs up….